Not in a good mood :(

Today was ballet class again. I don't know why, but I was just in a sad mood today. I don't think I got enough sleep and the stress from trying to balance all my schoolwork is starting to get to me.

It didn't improve my mood much that we started talking about recitals. My adult class is thinking about performing during the regular academy's recitals. I really don't want to go. My teacher wants us to be an inspiration to others, but I just don't want to show off my meager dancing skills just yet. Also, I've tried to dance in front of others before, and I always got really nervous before performing. (I used to be a danceteam, remember? That was many posts ago.) Not only that, but I'll just be really boring since I can't do much yet.

Anyway, they spent at least ten minutes, in addition to the ten minutes warming up, speaking about this. That means we wasted twenty minutes of practice time. Since I'm working really hard right now to pay for these classes, it's rather frustrating to be wasting them talking about something that can be talked about before or after class starts. I'm just really sick of all this wasted time!

Also, this new leotard I made... it really reveals everything, you know? I have rolls of fat on me that I never knew I had, and I consider myself skinny! It's so easy to see how girls, wearing these uniforms, get really self-conscious about their body and develop eating disorders. 

This all just put a damper on my moods, and I just didn't feel like putting that extra effort into my dancing today. It's just depressing and frustrating at the moment. 

As for the recital, maybe I'll do it. It'll be sort of a contradiction of mine to host this blog to support older dancers (and by older I mean 13+) and not perform. If my teacher thinks of it as inspirational, what harm could there really be in doing it?



Today's Youtube recommendation is this soloist's Black Swan pas de deux:

Isn't that lovely? And it's in great quality, too.