Tuesday, September 6, 2011

They've Got a Label?!?! and Other Great, Unintentially Funny, Pop Music Inspirations

We have probably all heard Rebecca Black's "Friday" song by now. Something so bad, it's good because it's hilarious, right? Well, let's do something fun. I found some songs by female artists (and some with music videos for bonuses) that are so bad, they're just hilarious....and then there are some that are just bad.

Let's get Youtube on a tab and browse away! Here are some of the worst pop songs by female artists I've heard.... yes they are trying to do this professionally. Dear god.... forgive them for they know not what they do.

5) Barbie, Christie and Teresa - Wonderland
Just because something's for kids, doesn't mean it has to be bad... Plus, just think about the parents who had to listen to this entire album on loop just to get to Florida without the kids asking, "Are we there yet?" a million times.

Crowning Moment of UGHHHHHHHH
The lyrics.... are painful. Come on! Even Disney could pull it off! Don't just phone it in!

Where We Give Her Props
They keep it G-rated? I don't know...

Listen to this instead... 
She can actually sing! How 'bout that? Plus, you can actually dance to it while keeping a PG-rating! She has a lot of pretty good songs, actually. She got her start like many talented singers: writing music for more popular artists. Hope to see more of her soon because you can hear all the effort she puts into her work.
4) Chady - Bad Girls Club
 The autotune.... THE AUTOTUNE!! It burns! The lyrics are no better, are they? Is she one of those Housewives putting out albums just because they have connections? Actually, no. Believe it or not, she's actually a "bikini fitness model" (their words, not mine). Hmmm, interesting. Might want to stick with that instead.

Crowning Moment of UGHHHHHHHH

Where she channels Kesha around 0:40. Have I mentioned the autotune?

Where We Give Her Props

As awkward as this entire ad is, she does look good for her age.

Listen to this instead...
Kimberly Cole's "Smack You"
Maybe not genius, but definitely some star quality. She's funny...sometimes in a vulgar way, but you have to love it. Don't believe me? You can hear it in her lyrics. Her song "Pocket Rocket," with lyrics like "I take it out/I pop the top/And then I twist it," is actually a song about her lipstick. She doesn't abuse the autotune (does she even use it?). In the video posted above, she gives her inspiration behind the video and tells people it's not to glorify fighting, but to tell a story. Gotta respect a woman who has values and can distinguish them from her art.

3) Jenna Rose - My Jeans
Yep. It's another Rebecca Black, folks. But could this possibly be a worse version? Yes. Yes, it very well could be worse. I don't get it...she's such a cute, little girl. How could this be as painful as it is? Luckily, it looks like Jenna is more of an actor than a singer. We can all breath a sigh of relief. And is anyone else reminded of Winifred from The Ballet Shoes? And who the hell is Kiki Palmer?!

Crowning Moment of UGHHHHHHHH
Get the point?

Where We Give Her Props
Well, she's only twelve. She's got a long way ahead of her still.

Listen to this instead...
Jackie Evancho's "Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again"
No, it's not pop music. But I'm sure we understand each other perfectly anyway. And she's only seven. You may have seen her on "America's Got Talent"; she's the talented little girl with a big voice. Jackie already has an album out and she's not even in her teens yet.

2) Nicki Idol - I'm in Love with a Vampire
Yep. The song is suppose to take "a stab at sparkly Twilight vampires." Whether the bad music was supposed to make fun of a bad book--and was meant to ironic--is still unknown. I swear to god she's signed. Her bio on their website is also quite, well, arrogant. Do your friends really describe you as iconic? Do you really feel addicted to "putting on a show," and if so, what's your excuse for the above performance? And you've got to love the part on her bio where she says, "I also recorded a program for [Three Counties Radio Program] about 'computer music.' Which is obviously something I know quite a bit about." I'm lost as to whether agree with her or disagree with her on that one....

Crowning Moment of UGHHHHHHHH
 It's no better in studio. Is that keyboard out of tune as well?! How.....

 Where We Give Her Props
It takes a lot of nerve to go up alone on stage. Especially without your precious autotune. Britney doesn't even have those nerves of steel.

Listen to this instead...
Natalia Kills's "Zombie"
 She's in love with a zombie not a vampire, but close enough. Natalia is a rising star, opening for big names like Katy Perry. She's definitely got the horror pop thing going on. Her lyrics are pretty clever. Who doesn't like the line in "Zombie" that says, "Do you want me for my body?/Do you want me for my brain, brain, brain, brain"? Check some of her other stuff out.

1) Nadia Oh - Egyptian Lover, Got Your Number.... pretty much everything she does
It starts off okay, right? It's not good, but not bad. But then you get to the chorus.... and THEN... you get to the guitar solo (~1:50). Lasers? REALLY? As if that couldn't get any worse, go watch some of her other music videos. I had such a hard time picking which one was the worst. "Egyptian Lover" won because of the laser-shootin' guitar, but I was also thinking about "Got Your Number" and "N.A.D.I.A. OH." What's even sadder is that she's working with Space Cowboy on all these songs. Space Cowboy has worked with people like Lady Gaga before, so there's really no excuse to how lame all these songs are.

Crowning Moment of UGHHHHHHHH
The soulless dancing, how bored she sounds.... everything is so half-assed

Where We Give Her Props
It must be nice knowing the right people. Insta-career!

Listen to this instead...
Emii's "Magic"
  What can I say? The girl can sing. She's working her way up slowly but surely. Plus, the gay guys love her. Don't know why I'd thought to add that, but I did anyway. Unfortunately, like many starting artists, she doesn't have a lot of songs, and the songs she does have are not all studio recorded yet. Shame, some songs like "Stilettos" have a nice beat to them that you can really enjoy.

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